Y’all it took over 2 1/2 years to get here, but I made it. Yesterday, I woke up and found the courage to sell my engagement and wedding rings.
I wish I had started blogging from the day he left, but I didn’t and here I am over 2 1/2 years later. I gave up blogging on my political blog and homeschooling blog the day he walked. I didn’t have the heart to continue with those. One day, I’ll have the wherewithal to pick those up where I left off. I know I will. It took be 2 1/2 years to get the courage to sell the rings and it can’t little by little, one day at a time.
I tried blogging about his leaving and the aftermath many, many times. The problem was that my blog entries were bitter and sometimes full of spite. Now, I’m not saying if you are feeling bitter that you are wrong–we all are human and those emotions are normal when your hopes and dreams are ripped from you by a person who vowed to love you for better, worse, sickness, health and in good times and bad.
I told myself that if I chose to write about my experience that I wanted it to be full of more hope and laughter than bitterness and grief. NOT because the latter emotions are wrong, but because I want to remember all of the glorious miracles God has performed and remember that my hope and faith in Him, and Him alone, are what pulled me through those dark hours of grief and bitterness.
I digress, I sold my rings yesterday. A big step. I wanted to rid my house of the last remnants of my ex. Oh, let me qualify that, I wanted to rid my house of the last painful remnants of him. One simply cannot be married for 24 years and erase every memory.
When we got married, I requested that we have the jeweler etch crosses into the insides of our wedding bands as a sign of our love and commitment bound by our faith in Jesus Christ. I took my vows seriously and would still be with him today.
That’s not how it turned out. He found another woman. He filed for divorce (I did begin the annulment process. I wouldn’t have ever filed for divorce, but I did begin the annulment process). These rings symbolize a broken marriage covenant to me and I needed them gone from my home.
Many well meaning friends suggested saving them for my sons or making another piece of jewelry from them. If a man gave me a used engagement or wedding ring that his cheating father gave to his mother, I’d throat punch him and walk away. I certainly didn’t want jewelry made from them—it would just be a reminder of his broken promises.
The money sits in my safe and will be used to replace the broken tile floor in the guest bathroom and to put wainscoting on the walls. The broken tile now cuts bare feet and it’s time for it to go.
I sat in my car for a little while before going in. I took this last picture as a reminder of what rings worn almost daily for 24 years look like. Twenty-four years of dents and scratches. Twenty-four years of ups and downs, hospitalizations with the boys….17 years of homeschooling. Diapers, cooking, cleaning, camping, relaxing, living, loving and fighting. The rings tell a story. If you look closely you can see the etched cross inside the ring. A beautiful reminder that Christ Jesus didn’t give up on our marriage or give up on me. A man broke his vows and gave up on our marriage.
I don’t need the money right now, I needed the healing removing these from my house would give. Today, I am reminded that God doesn’t give up on us and for that, I am glad.