The world is a mean place and it’s been that way since the original sin in the Garden of Eden. Satan is the father of all lies. Just as with Eve in the garden, satan wants you to believe the lies he’s telling you about God. Satan wants you to think less of yourself because you are divorced.
Don’t believe satan for even a nanosecond!
Yes, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yes, Jesus told the Pharisees in Matthew chapter 19:
“Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.”
And yes, Matthew 5:32 says:
“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.“
BUT the good news is that God still loves you!
God hates ALL sin. A-L-L sin. Yet, even when we sin, God still loves us. God loves YOU. Do not allow the world to keep you from believing the Truth that God loves you! Yes, YOU! I have had to work very hard in recent years to see myself as God sees me.
Satan comes to us in many forms and can even appear to be an angel! Satan will use other people and even our very own thoughts in an attempt to turn us from God. Do not allow satan to win! Redirect your thoughts toward God and His Word.
Don’t let others live in your head rent free! Their negative comments can easily become negative-self talk if you allow those thoughts to fester. When other people make hurtful comments, redirect your thoughts toward God and who it is He says you are. St. John Paul II has a quote that REALLY helps me when I start beating myself up:
“We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. We are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son Jesus.”
My husband knew that I would never file for divorce. I did not want a divorce. My husband made the unilateral decision for us. We were legally married for 3 months shy of 25 years and married in the Church 25 years and 5 months. The civil divorce my husband filed for was final in February 2018. The annulment I applied for through the Catholic Church was final in October of 2018. Even though I knew he was going to file for divorce (he chose the other woman), the day I received the divorce decree, it hurt. A lot.
Though I had plenty of time to heal my heart and was angry about his having a paramour, I still felt like the world’s biggest loser. It was so hard to dispel satan’s lies.
Satan says: “If you were skinnier” “If you were prettier” “If you were less anxious about the pregnancy losses, boys’ medical conditions…” “If you had been sexier” “If you would have done x in bed” “If you were funnier” “If you were smarter” on and on he goes — “If only you…..” you would still be married. God says you are a new creature in Christ (2 Cor 5:17):
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
God says you are a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you (1 Cor 6:19):
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
Anyone who has been married can tell you that marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. Two imperfect people marry and become one flesh. Marriage is tough, even when life is going well! Marriage takes THREE–two people working HARD to make it work, with God at the center.
I, quite literally, thought I’d be married until death. I took my vows before God seriously and always thought my husband did, as well. I knew I wasn’t a perfect wife nor he a perfect husband, but assumed that the grace God gives us in the sacrament of marriage would pull us through the difficult times. God’s grace was there, no doubt, but I felt like I was an abject failure as a woman because of my many failures and shortcomings. I felt I must not have used His grace properly, for if I had, I would have been a better wife, one whose husband didn’t leave her because of her many sins, right!? God reminded me that no one is free from sin! God says (Romans 3:23):
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God“
Often times, the decision to end a marriage is made by one partner alone. Sometimes, one partner has an affair and this prompts one partner or the other to make the decision to leave. Some people leave for their adulterous lovers and some people leave their adulterous spouse upon learning of an affair. Once the affair is exposed, both parties may even come to the mutual decision to end the marriage. Other folks end their marriages for a plethora of reasons. Many women like myself weren’t given a choice–the divorce was forced upon them.
Satan wants you to feel like a failure because your marriage ended, no matter how or why it ended! People will say horrible, rotten things about you and your marriage, but God says you are victorious (1 Cor 15:57):
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
If you have ever had people spreading rumors and lies about you, you know the one universal fact about rumors and lies: they hurt. My name has certainly made the gossip circles in recent years because of our divorce. All y’all know how quickly gossip spreads through just about any church– it spreads faster than the babysitter’s boyfriend when the car pulls up!
Friends, family and ex-family will say awful things about you on social media. Brace yourself for it. Even if you block them, some of it still makes it’s way to you via mutual friends. Prepare to remind yourself over and over again to see yourself through God’s lens!
I ran for Congress several years ago and some of the things people said and wrote about me would make a sailor blush! If you don’t currently have any enemies, run for Congress and enemies will be lining up faster than people on Black Friday looking to get a 52″ flatscreen TV for $100!
My point is, people on social media and reporters in the news media write awful, hateful and untrue things about me all the time! Does it bother me? Only on very rare occasions when I allow satan to get the best of me. I am human and would be lying if I told you that I’m never affected by what others say about me. However, I do mitigate the effects of rumors and negative comments on my psyche by remembering who I am and whose I am.
Redirect your thoughts to God. Who does God say you are? You are a beloved daughter of the King! You are chosen! You are saved! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Do not allow satan to steal your identity. Do not believe the lies of this world. YOUR identity comes from God and God alone!
Political adversaries can be brutal in their attempts to destroy and humiliate anyone with whom they disagree. Currently, several people on the opposite political spectrum than I are stalking me on social media sites, taking screen shots, stealing my personal pictures and marking them up in editor. They use these marked up photos in attempts to humiliate and discredit me. This has been going on forever and a day, y’all. That’s why I’m writing this–it is something I have lived for a long time! If I wasn’t grounded in who I am, whose I am, I would take it all to heart. USE YOUR GOD LENS!
Right after the ex left, I read Tim Tebow’s book titled Shaken. It was uplifting and healing. He had a quote in the book that has become my mantra these last two and a half plus years and counting. I changed the ending of the quote slightly for my mantra; my quote/mantra mix goes like this: “When who you are is grounded in whose you are, you can handle anything life throws at you.”
When others mock, belittle or judge you in real life or on social media because you are divorced, remember that you are created in the Image and Likeness of God. He has called YOU by name and YOU are His (Isaiah 43:1). All of this also applies when your ex makes you feel unworthy. When you doubt yourself because you are divorced: ditto–put on your God lens and look in the mirror, friend!!
When you know who you are-beloved child of God, chosen, saved, wonderfully made- what the world thinks of you will no longer matter to you. When you know whose you are and you intentionally focus on life through His lens instead of your own, you truly can handle anything life throws at you!