The Gun

While I lived with years of passive-aggressive abuse (though I didn’t always realize it was abuse at the time), I never thought my ex was all out psycho. Until the gun.

Just weeks after he abandoned our marriage, he accused me of stealing his gun. I searched my house from top to bottom over and over again. I was panicked. My counselor thinks my ex is a narcissist who just enjoys causing me great anxiety. What other explanation is there for a man to LIE about a gun gone missing? Psychosis. He is either a malignant narcissist who thrives on causing others to experience anxiety and pain or he is psychotic.

I told the ex that he could come into the house and retrieve the gun. He refused. I asked where he thought it might be. At first he told me that he may have placed it in a computer bag. I searched anything in the house that remotely resembled a computer bag. When it turned up nothing, I asked him again, “Where the eff is the gun!?”

The next place he had me searching? Mattresses. I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by, “It could be in a mattress.” I unzipped our select comfort mattress, I search every mattress in the house, including the twin mattresses we had stored in the basement. Searched between all the mattresses. Nothing.

When I asked again, he said something like, “Maybe it is in a box I forgot to take out of the basement.” I searched every box in the basement and still came up with nothing.

One of our long gun cabinets had a broken lock and couldn’t be opened. It had been broken for months. Still thinking that this man who flew people around in jets for a living was sane and couldn’t possibly be lying about a lost weapon, I thought maybe it was in the cabinet. “Maybe his handgun is on the shelf in there. Maybe he placed it there before the lock broke and forgot he put it there,” I thought.

I scraped together enough money to have the special locksmith come fix the lock. The locksmith opened the cabinet and there was no handgun on the shelf. “Where could his gun be!?” I thought. Still thinking that this “professional pilot” was not mentally ill, I quickly sent another email to tell him if the weapon was not found in ten days, that I was going to file a police report about the missing gun. I offered to allow him into my home to find the weapon, if needed. He never took me up on the offer.

Ten days passed. I filed the police report. When the police talked to him, he told them that he had possession of the gun. I was livid. I ripped him a new one! I sent nasty texts and emails. What kind of sick son of a bitch lies about a gun!?

A month or so later, in an e-mail, he admitted that he had never lost a weapon and didn’t misplace it. He admitted that he had it the whole time. At that moment, I realized that I had spent 24 years of my life married to a mentally ill pilot.

He enjoyed this game—that’s what this was to him. It was a game. A sick, perverted game to cause me great anxiety. Normal people do not lie about stolen or missing guns.

If you met him in real life at his job, you’d think he was as sane as you or I. He comes across as a very competent pilot, however, lurking underneath the mask of competency is a very, very sick man.

4 thoughts on “The Gun”

  1. Great post, and I hope that someone who finds themselves in a similar situation is comforted and encouraged that they’re not crazy, and someone else has been there. As we know from being parents of kids with chronic illness, knowing you’re not alone is priceless!

    Liked by 1 person

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