No one likes to discuss this topic, but here we are. Truth hurts. Divorce is painful and messy. Divorce tears apart a family. God joined two into one flesh in Holy Matrimony and divorce rips that flesh back into two. So it only stands to reason that divorce will be brutally painful. He may say his life is better off, he’s happier and things have never been better from the second he walked out the door, but I went through a lot of pain to get to the other side of divorce. His children are still going through hell. My ex thought because his children were older than 18, divorce wouldn’t affect them. Wrong. It has had a great impact on all of my boys and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. It will impact their own children, too.
I never imagined that the father of my children could forsake his own children for a whore*. But he did and he continues to do so——in more ways than one. That’s the dirty secret I bet many adulterers try to hide. They hide the fact that they are deadbeat dads. I’ve met too many women in the same situation- husband finds another woman and needs money to keep her up, so helping his left-behind kids takes second place to the new sidepiece.
Trying to find God in a messy divorce situation is hard enough for kids of any age, but having your own father forsake you for another just adds insult to injury! We know, however, that God, our Heavenly Father will never forsake us, because God has said (Joshua 1:5; Hebrews 13:5):
“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
Jesus told his disciples before returning to heaven (John 14:18):
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.“
When our earthly fathers fail, it is even more important to remember these Truths about God and to cling to His promises.
I KNOW that God will provide for their every need even when their earthly father forsakes them, so I cling to this Truth when I start to feel anger and resentment building. I pray that my boys cling to this Truth, too. It’s hard to remember that the same God whose grace and protection brought me safely from a crazy childhood is also the same Father who will care for my children and take care of their every need when their earthly father won’t. As a mother, I want to fix it all and make the world as perfect as possible for my children.
When the ex left, I had been out of the workforce for 24 years. Deadbeat expected that all of a sudden I would have the same earning potential he had. Right. He expected that I would suddenly not only have money enough to pay half their hospital bills and all the expenses for their medical trips, but that I would also earn enough to support myself. All in an instant! It did NOT happen that quickly, but God took care of us!
Since he left over 2 1/2 years ago, I’ve made 3 hospital trips to a speciality hospital 8 hours from home where we’ve stayed overnight in a hotel 1-3 nights. He’s contributed $60 total toward those 3 trips. Through God’s faithfulness, I’ve managed to pay over $5,000 in medical expenses-trips, prescriptions, co-pays, etc. since their father left! God provided angels on earth who helped me and the boys! He also helped me find a full-time job– it took a while, but His timing is perfect! I’m currently at a job I love–even though I only get paid 1/8 or less of their dad’s current salary! The company I work for has been good to me. God has been good to me. We have a hospital trip coming up in a few weeks and guess what? I’ll be able to swing it–thanks to God.
Y’all it doesn’t get any deadbeat than what I am about to tell you. He refused to even use hotel points to get a hotel room for the boys AND me! For the very same reason he refused to help with gas and food expenses—-he didn’t want to pay for ME to go to the hospital with my boys. Because we all know going to the hospital with your children so they can go under anesthesia for necessary procedures is a total vacation for mom! The saddest part is that he is a pilot and the hotel points are FREELY given to him by the company he works for. He never pays for a hotel room, but racks up the points to use for himself. I share this for those who are struggling right now. Please know that God will provide for your every need.
His provision may not come the way you think it should or how you think He should do it. During this recent period in my life, I was truly humbled by the amazing love and help friends showed my and my boys. While I have paid it forward in small ways here and there, I pray to be able to REALLY pay it forward one day. I’m almost on my feet. Its been two and a half years and I am not quite to the financially secure stage yet, but I am getting there. One small step at a time, with God’s help.
There was a time the first year where I had my son in the hospital and used the last of our grocery money to pay for his prescription when he got discharged. The very next day, a friend from church brought all the ingredients to make chicken noodle soup! This last hospitalization just a few weeks ago, my middle son needed two antibiotics upon discharge. I prayed the whole way to the pharmacy, “Lord, please let me have enough in my bank account to pay for them!” Thankfully, I had enough! God is good! All the time.
All of this reminds me to be thankful for our Heavenly Father. My boys’ father may fail to do what God expects of him, but I know God never fails them! We serve an amazing God who is always faithful! My entire life is a witness of God’s endless protection and provision.
*don’t read my blog if the word “whore” offends you. That’s what I call women who sleep with another woman’s husband. If the man isn’t free to marry, another woman isn’t free to date him. Period.
**I find harlots make all sorts of excuses as to why they would date a man who is married to another woman. “Well, they aren’t getting along” “Well, they are separated”. Married is married. God’s Commandments are not suggestions–thou shall not commit adultery. Period. As Catholics, civil divorce does not end the marriage. Catholics continue to be married until they receive a decree of nullity from the Church.