Healing takes time. It’s a process, as they say. It’s been a while since I have experienced any sort of sadness due to his leaving, but this past week I hit a rough patch. I wasn’t sad because of HIM–oh no. I am over him. The sadness this week took me by surprise because life is going REALLY well. I love my job, my house is looking good and my life has been in order for a while. So why the sadness!?
I had a particularly slow day at work and my assistant was out. I was alone at the office. As I was sitting there, I thought, “There has to be more to life than work and home improvement projects.” BAM! It hit me. Grief. Not because he left– I am still happy about that, now anyway. My life is in order for the first time in 28 years! Sadness because my life IS in order and I spend my weekends alone. By choice, of course….but alone, nonetheless. (Side note: I do go on outings with girlfriends and enjoy life)
Talking to a friend on the phone later that day I said, “You know, I’m 50 and I’m thinking I may never have sex again before I die.” I also said “I like kissing and cuddling. You know, I love my girlfriends and am so happy to have them in my life, but I am not kissing or cuddling with a girl! Oh no!” and we burst into laughter. Truth is that I could have already been doing these things with a guy, if I had so chosen. First and foremost, I am a Christian, so sex before marriage is not an option. However, #2 is permitted with a guy. <laughter> I cannot even begin to tell you of the horror that is online dating. Thankfully, I have a sense of humor to get me through.
I graduated from LSU and am a huge Tigers fan. I met this guy online who was a brutal Alabama fan. Y’all, here’s a dating tip: if you meet an LSU girl willing to overlook the fact that you are an Alabama fan, tread lightly with the smack talk. For real. I love smack talk–it is fun and makes me laugh, but there’s a limit when you don’t really know me. I met him for coffee and it was okay, I think. In the end, I couldn’t get over the fact he was an Alabama fan. The best part is that he didn’t even GO to Alabama!
I’ve chatted with guys who don’t have jobs or are underemployed. Having a job is a requirement. I don’t date guys without jobs. This one particular guy was lamenting that he didn’t have enough money to pay his bills, so I suggested he get another job. He told me that I sounded just like his ex. He wanted to meet for coffee anyway. Unbelievable. I declined. I told him that we had different life goals and it wasn’t a good idea for us to even meet given the fact that I already remind him of his ex.
One night, I wasn’t really doing anything so decided to accept an invite to dinner at a local place. Don’t worry y’all, I have my concealed carry permit and am always armed. I showed up, stood by the door and waited. A guy walked in and said, “Hi, Pattie.” My jaw literally dropped to the floor. His profile pics had been taken 15 years and 100 pounds earlier. He looked NOTHING like his photos. That ruined it. If you will lie about that, you’ll lie about anything. He sealed his fate after he told me how he dated this married woman. He justified it by adding, “Well, she and her husband weren’t getting along at the time.” I couldn’t run away fast enough.
There have been a few more, but none I’ve really been interested in dating. One guy told me that my morals disappointed him (no sex before marriage) and another told me that he wasn’t looking for a hook up, but that sex before marriage didn’t work for him. Hey, guys, if that’s what you are looking for, good luck to you! I’m NOT the girl for you.
Then there’s this thing with the whole sending selfies. WHAT in the world is up with that. I have an issue with pictures to begin with– sure I post them on social media–but if you haven’t ever been blackmailed with pictures and videos, you might not understand. When you are getting to know some of these guys, they ask you to send a picture via text. Maybe I’m just not up with the times because it just seems weird. Especially when I have a million and one pictures on social media to begin with.
When I write this out, my sadness goes away. I know that eventually God will send the right guy into my life, but I’m human! Sometimes waiting on Him is so hard to do! If you are going through the same thing, hold on and enjoy the ride–there are Godly men out there who will appreciate a Christian woman who doesn’t have sex outside of marriage and he will be willing to wait for YOU. When I fret over God’s timing, I only need to look back at the tapestry of my life to see exactly how perfect His timing is–even if it doesn’t take the pains of my current wait away, I know that, eventually, the time will come and I will be wowed. We serve an amazing and faithful God, y’all. His timing is always perfect.