As I have said before, divorce is the ripping apart of the one flesh God creates in marriage. Families are destroyed. Yes, families, not just a family. The immediate family of the divorcing couple is destroyed along with the bonds of family that are still somewhat intact if there are children and grandchildren involved. Those I called family for 24 years, in one fell swoop, were no longer. As it was clear with whom they sided—their brother, their son, their loved one, I left them alone. As it should be. I didn’t feel the need to explain myself to them or defend myself against his justificatory arguments in favor divorce.
In the years prior to his leaving, he had no real relationship with my parents. In the months prior to leaving, I had to force him to help me move my father here and it took me three months of constant badgering to get him to stop by the assisted living community to fix my dad’s recliner. His divorcing me really shouldn’t have had any impact on either of their lives.
A few months after he left, the pilot boy began visiting my dad! I was floored. I found out later that this is a classic narcissistic move. Narcissists have to “control their reputation”. The ex couldn’t stand thinking that my father might think ill of him for the way he abandoned me, even though the two of them had never had a real relationship to begin with.
After the ex left, I would stop by to visit and my 88 year old father would be fuming mad. He would yell some of the very same things the ex had been telling me in emails and texts! I persisted in visiting and pilot boy persisted in trying to turn my own father against me. It was mind boggling to me. My dad took my ex out to eat and paid for his dinner! I found out later from both of them that the dinner was spent bad-mouthing me! What the actual fork?
There was one particularly brutal onslaught of anger and vulgarity spawned by a recent visit by my ex, where my father told me, “Suck Trump’s dick! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!” I called and left a message for the ex’s parents, pleading with them to PLEASE talk to their son and ask him to stop visiting my father. Nothing ever came from that call. I texted the ex over and over– I was pissed. I was not nice, my texts told him to “stay the eff away from my dad”, etc. His lawyer actually had the AUDACITY to email my lawyer about my nasty texts to her client! Seriously, y’all! I couldn’t even begin to make this stuff up!
I visited again and my dad started going on about my youngest two sons. He called them horrible names and guess what? Once again, started spewing forth the same crap the ex had spewed about his children to others. The ex was angry that our children chose to live with me, he was angry that they weren’t spending time with him or helping him. My dad went on and on. This was the day I called the police the first time. Again, my lawyer asked his lawyer to please request that her client stop visiting my father. Nothing ever came of this, either. *I* was the horrible, psycho person because I requested that pilot boy stay away from *my* father.
The final straw was last year when I showed up with my middle son to visit my father. My dad said horrible, vile things that should have never been said in front of ANY of my children. Pilot boy made my dad believe that I had kicked him out of our home and told my father that I was abusive! He told my father that we had engaged in premarital sex. My own father sided with my ex and called me a whore! In front of my son! I completely lost it. While I knew that this was typical behavior for a narcissist, I still couldn’t fathom ANYONE trying to turn a parent against their own child. I quickly realized this was nothing more than a game for my ex. He reveled in the fact that he could turn my father against me and my children.
The police asked me to reach out to his family time and again. I emailed his family at the request of the police. One aunt replied with a simple, “LOL”. I was floored! What kind of SICK person laughs at this sort of thing? Repeatedly upsetting an 88 year old man is NOT funny. I would never even consider visiting pilot boy’s grandmother who is only a few years older than my father, much less try to turn her against her grandson! Only a depraved, psychotic individual would do such a thing and only a depraved individual would laugh about it being done! To my knowledge, not one of his family members implored him to STOP VISITING MY FATHER.
He visited again and I texted him repeatedly, since I knew incessant texting would drive him batshit crazy. Childish, I know, but sometimes, you’ve just got to fight crazy with a touch of crazy. I sent postcards to his family asking them to PLEASE keep their son/brother/nephew away from my 88 year old father. I called the police. AGAIN. Because my father is still competent, there was nothing I could do—even though I have a power of attorney and a power of attorney for healthcare. Once again, the police asked me to reach out to his family. I explained how the aunt had replied, “LOL” and stated I didn’t think the rest of the family cared a whole lot, either.
In North Carolina, a paramour can be sued. I visited an attorney and found out that I could, indeed, sue the harlot. With nothing else to leverage, I leveraged his love for the paramour in hopes that he would choose her and stop visiting my dad. As a last ditch effort, I let pilot boy know that if he visited my father again, I would sue his woman. In typical narcissistic fashion, he blasted me as being psycho and evil. He lamented to all who would listen that he was only visiting my dad for altruistic reasons. He told me that he was simply visiting a lonely old man and that there was nothing wrong with that!
I have had a difficult time even speaking to my father after our recent interactions. I fear that there has been irreparable damage to my relationship with my father. I continue to pray daily that we can make amends before he dies and I would greatly appreciate your prayers!