One of my favorite songs is Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams. It has really gotten me through the last several years. It is as if the song was written just for me! It helped me battle the negative self-talk in my head. For years I was told I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough, and that I would be alone forever. I was even told by my ex that our friends didn’t really like me and they thought I was abusive, too. My ex wanted me to leave him and go live somewhere else and I refused. He even stated in an email during our heated legal battle, “I told you to leave and you refused to leave our house.” It’s hard to have self-esteem when someone is constantly berating you and trying to kick you out of your own home!
When he told you, you’re not good enough. When he told you, you’re not right……When he told you, you’re not worthy. When he told you, you’re not loved. When he told you, you’re not beautiful, you’ll never be enough. Fear is a liar.
In one argument before he left, he called me a whore. That stung even though I wasn’t sure where it came from, as I had always been a faithful wife. He told me that he didn’t love me and that he didn’t think I could ever change. The latter hurt because, while I knew I had not handled the pregnancy losses and boys medical issues as well as I should have, he prevented me from going to therapy to work on my anxiety. This song spoke to my heart and helped me heal.
When he told you, you were trouble. You’ll forever be alone. When he told you, you should run away. You’ll never find a home. When he told you, you were dirty. That you should be ashamed. When he told you, you could be the one That Christ could never change. Fear is a liar.
Satan wants us to believe what others say about us–especially during arguments. My husband was always telling me that I was psycho during arguments–and as my ex, he adds that in just about every email he sends. He told me that I was a horrible mother over and over again, though in the court documents, he stated, “She was a good, dutiful wife except when she was being abusive.” Should I have given a drink warning there? My lawyer and my therapist both roared with laughter when they read that statement.
I believe that people can judge me by my fruit. My boys were home with me every single day for 23 years (and one still lives at home). I homeschooled for 17 years, never sending them to traditional school. My oldest graduated from a 4 year college program in 3 years, my middle son is majoring in engineering in college and has been on the Dean’s list for 3 years running and my youngest is getting a degree in physics. So, if you judge my homeschool by its graduates, I think it is safe to say that I did a decent job. If I was as psycho as the ex says I am, would my children be so well-adjusted? I mean, I’m your average mom–we all have a touch of crazy now and then. Kids will do that to you. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not who the ex says I am–mot of what HE says is said so that he can justify his own bad behavior!
In the end, it all goes back to what I have continued to work on these last years. When your ex’s thoughts fill your head, let it go. Don’t let satan win. Remember who it is that God says you are! If you have never listened to this song, you can listen to it below.